12 weeks but not 3 months ...

My baby girl is already 12-weeks-old! So crazy to think about -it feels like we've had her forever, but then 12 weeks doesn't seem like a lot of time at all. Grandma Diana and Grandpa Brad came over Thursday and we debated if Grandma Diana was allowed to say she was 3-months-old or only 12-weeks-old. Technically Eleanor will be 3-months-old (13 weeks) NEXT Friday ... We've decided to celebrate this monumental event in her life with fireworks. :D 

Eleanor had been taking leaps and bounds in her development too. She talks a lot, cooing at anyone who will listen. Ill post a video of her talking soon. She had also gained almost full control of her head and neck, which has saved my chin a lot of bumps and bruises. 

And while she can't quite sit up on her own yet, she's getting really close to being able to. We are thinking of getting her a bouncy chair soon because one of her favorite things is to use our hands to "stand up" and bounce. She can also scoot across her play mats which is pretty exciting. She'll be crawling in just a few more months! 

One of my favorite things about her (that I may have mentioned before) is that she sleeps through the night! Our little bug created her own sleep schedule and has decided to be very generous and sleep about 7-8 hours a night starting between 10-12, which is basically the same schedule Gavin has. And while I still have to get up in the middle of my sleep to pump, it is wonderful to have some uninterrupted sleep otherwise. 

Little girl growing up already!

It's crazy to think that Eleanor is 11 weeks old; on the one hand it feels like we've had her forever, but then we realize it hasn't even been 3 months! And she is growing up so fast. Gone is my tiny newborn who used to sleep all day and felt so little in my arms. Now Eleanor spends her days awake and exploring her new world as much as she can. She has such a long body that it's actually easier to sit in the rocking chair to nurse her because she stretches herself across.

Here is a breakdown of our baby girl's stats (as of her 2 month check up):

Length: 23 3/4 inches (92%)
Weight: 10lbs 12oz. (55%)
Head Circumference: 15 1/2 inches (70%)
New skills: she reaches and grasps toys, blankets, shirts, etc.
Old skills improved: she can hold her head up like a champ and is working on the neck control.
Working on: sitting up on her own
Best part: her smile is the best smile and she almost giggles
Worst part: she hates the car suddenly; cries and screams almost an entire car ride sometimes

Being a working mom is rough

First: holy crap, being a working mom is hard. Physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Physically, being a mother is draining. Especially a breast feeding mother, because let's face it, you can try to sleep through the night but if your baby doesn't wake you up your boobs will. So being a breast feeding, working mother is even harder because long gone are the mid-day naps and sleeping past 5:30am. Instead of being able to take time to get ready in the mornings it's now a rush to make myself presentable, nurse Eleanor or pump, and try to fit in a little breakfast (Starbucks if Im lucky enough). I swear I get less sleep now than before. 

Emotionally, I was a wreck the first day Eleanor was in daycare. I felt so guilty (which you'll know if you read the previous post) an still do. I love coming home and cuddling with her or rocking her to sleep or playing on the tummy time mat. I used to take these things for granted. 

Mentally, Im on overload. It's almost like having pregnancy brain all over again. People talk to me and I zone out, or I forget what I was going to say or do, or it takes me forever to complete a simple task. It's a lot to keep in order: the mom mind, the work mind, the girlfriend mind, etc.

Returning to work was something everyone tried to prepared me for, but ultimately was something I had to experience for myself to fully understand how it would feel. It's all so overwhelming. Thankfully I've survived the first 3 weeks so far and so has Eleanor. 

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

This last week was a rough one for mama. I went back to work and Eleanor started going to daycare.

For our family daycare is unfortunately a necessary evil right now. The smarter choice for us is for me to go back to work -at least through the end of the year. It helps with insurance coverage, my FSA, and keeps me a little more sane. But that doesn't make it feel any better knowing she is in a daycare a few hours every day ...

Eleanor and Gavin at dinner Tuesday.

Lets start with Monday. I didn't go to work until Tuesday, but I wanted to do a "test run" with Eleanor and her daycare -plus I wanted to get all the emotions of leaving my child with a "stranger" out of the way. I was super unprepared for the emotional onslaught. Gavin was just about to leave for work and I was getting ready when I suddenly just lost it. I couldn't stop sobbing about not wanting her to go to daycare and how I was gonna miss so much in her life and I was a bad mom for not staying home. Gavin was awesome (he usually is in these situations) and took Eleanor to daycare for me, even though it meant he was late for work. He took a bullet and was "the bad guy" who dropped her off at daycare and I got to be the one that rescued her.

Gavin and Eleanor "suited up" for the day.

Tuesday and Wednesday were much better. I went back to work and tried to get back into my old groove. It was easier to be away for so long knowing Eleanor was at home with her Daddy all day, especially since Gavin kinds rocks the whole Dad thing. I'll admit that it was kinds nice being KARIE again for a few hours and not just Eleanor's mom/meal/diaper changer.

Thursday and Friday were a bit harder knowing Eleanor was at daycare. No one takes care of my child like I do, so of course I'm going to worry and wonder. Are they comforting her when she cries? Do they know what her hunger signs are? do they know they have to feed her at an angle so her reflux isn't as bad? Is her diaper being changed when the line turns blue? They're only giving her the breast milk I sent right? They're not leaving her unattended are they? Are other people holding her? Are the other kids being nice and gentle? So many questions going through my head until I finally have her back. 4pm never seems to come fast enough anymore.

Tummy time with Mama!

Going back to work and being away from my baby has definitely given me a new appreciation for the time I have with her and makes the day-to-day routines we have feel a bit more special. I love getting on the floor with her for tummy time and having our little "babble chats" and just rocking her to sleep. Nursing her doesn't seem like such a chore anymore.

Maybe in the future I'll get to spend my days with her again, but for now I try to cherish those little moments I had started to take for granted.